tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
