i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
