Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize