shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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