He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
