Rock
Scissors
Fuck
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
