my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
