The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
