So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i think i just lost a toe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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