it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
