We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize