Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
