and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
