Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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