I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
