then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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