fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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