watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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