Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
