Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
