I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
