In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
