I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
