I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
