i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
