i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
