I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
