I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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