I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
