Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
