Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
