i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
