sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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