apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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