Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
