nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
