As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
