Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
