I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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