Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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