two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
