Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
