I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
