We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
