Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
