I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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