I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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