This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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