im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
