All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
