Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
