I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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