I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
