you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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