Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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