Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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