Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
