I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
