He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
