You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
