Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
