Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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